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What makes a corvidophile? A lot of different things - but mostly it's the attitude.
So how can you tell if you're a corvidophile? Try taking this simple quiz.
1) You are walking along the sidewalk. Do you:
a) Walk along not paying attention to anything except where you're going?
b) Look down at the pavement in case you find something shiny there?
c) Gaze up into the sky in case a crow flies over?
d) Stare at everything which catches your fancy?
2) You stop at a restaurant for lunch. What do you order?
a) A sandwich, because its a nice practical meal.
b) Ribs, because it's fun to rip the meat off the bones with your teeth.
c) Corn on the cob, because its fun to nibble out the kernals row by row.
d) Worms and insects, because it's fun to see the waiter furrow his brow in confusion.
3) After lunch you hear odd noises of people shouting and bells clanging, and music carried on the wind, intersperesed with the odd caw of a crow. Do you:
a) Ignore it, because you're late for a coffee date?
b) Ask a passer-by if they have any idea what the noise is from?
c) Stand there for a while, trying to figure it out on your own?
d) Go and investigate?
4) The noise turns out to be a carnival that just stopped in town, and several crows and pigeons are hanging around, waiting for a free meal. Do you:
a) Ignore it, because you're getting really late for that date?
b) Wander around for a bit, enjoying the atmosphere and the sight of the crows?
c) Enjoy the sight of the crows, and also check out what kinds of prizes they're giving away at the silly contest booths, which are always rigged anyways (not that you would play any, but you never know... they might have neat stuff)?
d) See if you have any spare change so you can buy some fries to feed to the crows?
5) You win whatever silly game you decided to play (against your better judgement, of course), and the carny-man offers you a choise of prizes. Which do you choose?
a) The cuddly teddy bear, because your girlfriend will like it (or the plastic gun, because your boyfriend might like it), and s/he's going to be annoyed at you for being so late for that coffee date.
b) The gold-plated ring, because it looks the most valuable.
c) The silver pendant, because it's very shiny.
d) The weird thing in the corner, because you're not sure what it is, and you've never seen one quite like it before.
6) You finally meet your girlfriend/boyfriend for coffee, and s/he's annoyed because you're late. How do you appease her/him?
a) You apologize and promise it won't happen again.
b) You apologize and offer to pay for her/his coffee.
c) You offer her/him the weird what's-it you won at the carnival.
d) You offer to take her/him to the carnival so s/he can try to win her/his own what's-it (and so you can see the crows again).
7) Your girlfriend/boyfriend takes you to see a movie - The Little Mermaid, by Disney. After the film you:
a) Wipe away a tear of joy at the happy ending.
b) Pretend you liked the movie, because s/he seemed to like it.
c) Reassure yourself that at least it was better than the Secret of Nimh, with the terrible job they did on the crow.
d) Launch into a tirade about how the Little Mermaid is supposed to DIE at the end of the story, and that Disney is systematically sanitizing all good fairy-tales.
8) The two of you decide to go somewhere after the film. You suggest:
a) An ice-cream parlor.
b) A nightclub.
c) A local used-books store.
d) Back to the carnival, because it'll be all lit up as evening comes (and because you want to see the crows again).
9) You both go to the carnival. Once you're there, you:
a) Hold hands so you don't get separated in the crowds.
b) Sit together enjoying the festive atmosphere.
c) Check out the sights together, periodically wandering off to check out the crows before catching up to her/him again.
d) Wander around doing whatever each of you wants, not worrying too much if you get split up, because chances are that you'll bump into eachother again without even looking for eachother (or you'll both realize you're watching the same bunch of crows).
10) Your girlfriend/boyfriend is fed up with you and wants to break up. What do you do?
a) Plead with her/him to give the relationship another chance.
b) Stalk off, annoyed, so you have some time to think things through.
c) Listen to her/him and then explain your own point of view.
d) Thank her/him for an enjoyable relationship while it lasted, but agree that you should probably break up, since anyone who doesn't appreciate a good death scene at the end of a fairy-tale probably isn't going to be a compatible with you for a long-term relationship. And besides, this way you can watch the crows for a while longer without any interference.
Scoring
Give yourself 1 point for every 'a' answer, 2 points for every 'b' answer, 5 for every 'c' answer, and 10 points for every 'd' answer. Then tally the points, divide by four. Multiply the the co-efficient of K. Subtract your shoe size, and throw all the numbers out the window. If you're a Corvidophile, you already know it! You don't need some silly quiz to tell you these things, really.
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