"FAQ" stands for Frequently Asked Questions. Usually a FAQ file contains common questions on a subject, and gives the answers which inquiring minds are after.

When people run into me on the 'Net, there are certain questions they ask with astounding frequency... but I rarely give out the answers which those people want to hear. However, to save you the time and energy (in case you're one of those sorts of people) I thought I'd post a sample of the sort of interrogation which I am regularly subjected to, and my standard replies.

 

Q: How old are you?
A: Does it matter?

Q: Are you a girl or a guy?
A: Does it matter?

Q: Where do you live?
A: Canada.

Q: Could you be more specific?
A: Yes. But I don't feel like it.

Q: Why won't you tell me anything about yourself?
A: Oh, but I do tell a lot of things about myself... just not always the things that people want to know.

Q: Well, I can figure it out for myself anyway. You're a girl, aren't you?
A: If you'd like to think so.

Q: I've found pictures of you on your web page, and I can tell you're a girl. Why won't you admit it?
A: If you've already decided I'm female, why would I need to admit it?

Q: No, wait - You're a guy. I found a place where it says you're a "Pretty Goth Boy". I caught you there, didn't I?
A: Actually, it says I like to dress like a Pretty Goth boy. But if you'd like to take that as evidence, you're welcome to.

Q: You have to be a guy. Most people on the Internet are guys, and besides, you write like a guy. So that means you are one, right?
A: Where do you get the idea that I "write like a guy"? I try to write readably, and I don't think that's strictly a masculine (or feminine) trait. (Although I'll admit that I have worse spelling than most females I hang around with... and I rarely use my spell-checker).

Q: No, waitasec - you're a girl. I found a place where it talks about your "boyfriend". That means you've got to be a girl, right?
A: Uh... if you'd like to think so. Sure.

Q: You're not gay, are you?
A: Does it matter?

Q: Does that mean you are, or you aren't?
A: Neither.

Q: What does it mean, then?
A: It means I'm not telling you.

Q: You're not telling me if you're gay?
A: I'm not telling you whether I'm gay or straight, or whether I'm male or female. And if you look around my web page for a while, you'll realize that it doesn't mention what gender I am, anywhere. (It does, however, contain a few misleading comments here & there, and it has several pictures of me which I posted solely because people who look at them regularly mis-guess my gender.)

Q: Okay then - Be that way. But tell me: What's your name?
A: Raven.

Q: Oh, come on! Is your name really 'Raven'?
A: Yes.

Q: Were you born with it, or did you change your name to Raven?
A: Neither. I was (like most people) born with no name at all. I don't object to the name which I was given shortly after my birth (in fact, I rather like my middle name), and I didn't decide to change my name to Raven. I merely added Raven to my legal name.

Q: Why 'Raven', anyway?
A: Mostly because I like the way it sounds. But I guess it helps that I've always liked birds, and I particularly like ravens and crows. I even maintain a web page all about them. I also like the mythology behind them - the whole trickster image they have. And last but not least, I like the way it looks on my Driver's License.

Q: Has anyone told you you're nuts?
A: Yes. Frequently.

Q: Do you think that you're nuts?
A: No. I'm allergic to nuts, you see, and I've never had an allergic reaction to myself, so I doubt it.

Q: Fine. Do you think that you're weird, then?
A: Indubitably.

Q: Why don't you grow up and get a life?
A: A life? What do you mean by "a life"? Do you mean "Get a haircut, get a job, and move out of your parents' basement"? Did that already. Do you mean "Get yourself some interests outside of the computer world"? I've done that, too. How about "Get a car. Buy a house. Find a stable relationship"? Done, done, and done. In fact, I'm a contributing member of society, I pay my taxes, I'm on good terms with my family, I have lots of friends, and I enjoy life. What more could a person want? As for "Grow up"... if that means supporting the status quo and belittling everyone who demonstrates some spark of creative thought, or who refuses to be labeled and pigeon-holed by inflexible minds, then No Thanks - I'll pass.

Q: Forget it. It's no use talking to you, is it?
A: Funny, I was just thinking the same thing...

 

Okay - that's a little extreme, but it's scarily close to some of the conversations I've actually had. I really hope you'd never participate in a conversation like that (at least, not on the 'Question' side).