Atropa Belladonna

~ Raven (a.k.a. Nightshade)'s Weblog ~


These are the ARCHIVES of March 2004. For more archives, visit the Archives page. For the current Weblog entries, check the Main page.


Wed, Mar 31, 2004 (1:00am)

Mm. An unexpected realization: My Weblog is costing me an extra $25-$30/month.

I got an email from NetNation (my domain host) a while back, stating that there would be an additional charge on my bill, for 'additional bandwidth use'. Last time that happened (and it was happening monthly for nearly half a year, at one point) it was due to bandwidth theft: people using my images (mostly from the corvidae image gallery) on their webpages, and causing my domain to load the image everytime their webpage loaded. I solved that problem by putting the images in a special place which would deny access to those images when loaded from any site but my own. No prob. The bandwidth demand dropped to a normal rate.

So this time when I got that notice, I went to my website stats, to see what was causing the bandwidth use to go up. I expected more image theft. Nope. My Aviary web page, which is the biggest draw to my site, is still using a normal amount of bandwidth. It's my WEBLOG which is being loaded more often than anything else. And since it has images embedded in it, they get loaded too. LOTS. Many, many times per day, it seems. Oh - and the 'Slumber Party' pics (from waay back) are also being loaded a lot... by Google and other search engines.

So, I'm gonna take the slumber party pics offline. And I'm gonna try keeping my weblog archived better, so the file is smaller. And I'm gonna lower the number of pics I use.. or at least, keep 'em down to a smaller size, with links to a bigger image.

And.. as a quick survey, would people mid dropping me a quick line via the Quick-Comment form if they read this weblog regularly? I'm curious as to how many people read it. You don't have to reveal your name if you're a lurking type, but I'd really like to have a rough idea.

Thanks!
Wed, Mar 31, 2004 (12:00am)

An unexpected and very cool query landed in my inbox yesterday. A publisher in the UK asked if I would like a copy of an upcoming book entitled, Crow, with hopes that I would review it and include it in my 'Recommended Reading' section of my Corvidae webpage. That's so... neat. The publicity copy which accompanied the email makes it out to be a very interesting book, discussing many members of the corvidae family, scientific facts, cultural significance, legends, role in history, etc. I'm looking forward to reading the book already.

In a completely different vein: I've discovered a CD called, "Cult of the Jaded Hatstand" sitting on my computer desk. It's been there for quite a while, hiding in a pile of other CD's and I have no clue where it came from. The phrase, 'Cult of the Jaded Hatstand' sounds vaguely familiar, but I can't place it. Nor can I identify the handwriting on the CD. It is, btw, a CD containing a collection of cool MP3s from various sources, which someone obviously burned for... someone. Did someone who reads my weblog burn it for me, and give it to me while my brain was turned off? Was it accidentally left here at The Wake? Was it intentionally given to me to pass on to someone else? The mystery threatens to consume me. Auugh!

Tues, Mar 30, 2004 (2:00pm)

Public Service Announcement, for all our Chinese readers:

Starlin's Blog, which was hosted on Blogspot, has moved to: http://www.mistress.hellequin.net/weblog/fingerprints.html so that it may be read, even from China. I've updated it on my linkbar. (I've also added 'Maternal Inferno' to my misc. weblogs. It's a blog which those readers blessed with children of their own may enjoy).
Tues, Mar 30, 2004 (12:15pm)

There is a huge mess in Connor's room.

I ask Kalen the rhetorical, "What is this mess doing here?", not expecting a response.

"Because it's a Mess Museum, Mommy!" I am informed. Kalen gestures at the entirety of Connor's bedroom, indicating the amazing selection and variety of mess contained therein. It certainly is display-worthy.

I suggest we clean some of it up. Matching deeds to words, I bend down to pick up a handful of dirty laundry, scattered amongst foamy bathtub letters.

Kalen reacts with a stricken expression. "But, Mommy - it's a museum exhibit! You can't touch the exhibits!" She carefully removes the laundry from my hand, and with artistic precision replaces it amongst the foamy bathtub letters. Staring at her creation for a moment, she selects two of those letters and places them on top of the laundry, for a multi-layered-mess effect. She then reclines on a nearby toddler couch to contemplate her masterpiece.

I stare at her, blinking. Is this some new trick to get out of cleaning up her messes, or a creative and imaginative endeavour which should be encouraged to flourish?

"Mommy - you may go now." Kalen informs me, with a negligent wave of her hand.

I go.

There is still a huge mess in Connor's room.

Accomplishment of the Day: Told my Mom that I didn't need her to come over and sit for a couple of hours today. (Really, I wanted her to come, but she's very busy right now getting a project ready for this weekend's deadline... And she's been so good with helping me out with my projects when deadlines loomed. Although my selfish nature would rather have her watch my kids while I do nothing more creative than sleep, I have overcome my instincts and given her the day off.)

Anyone else wanna come over and watch my kids for a couple hours while I sleep?

Mon, Mar 29, 2004 (9:50pm)

Brains! MORE BRAINS!!!

Good Thing: Wally scared me up a copy of Sims: Makin' Magic (for Mac) last week. I installed it last night. Mmmm, Sims.

Bad Thing: I used a gig and a half making a zip file of my entire Sims game prior to installing this latest expansion, and my Mac then insisted I did not have enough memory to run my computer efficiently.

Good thing: Wally offered to install a new hard drive in my Mac, if I wanted.

Bad thing: Hard drives cost upwards of $200. I don't have that kind of currency floating around. Not even so I can waste time more efficiently playing Sims.

Good thing: Wally had a spare hard drive kicking around, and showed up on my doorstep this evening in order to install it. I now have MORE BRAINS!!!

Bad thing: I shall now be spending too much time playing Sims, again.

Accomplishment of the Day: Finished reading Southern Fire, by Juliet E. McKenna. Excellent author, excellent book. Now I have to wait for the next book in the series to come out. Grr. I must stop reading books in unfinished series.


Fri, Mar 26, 2004 (10:35am)

An Observation on Making Chocolate Chip Cookies with Toddlers.

When one decides to let toddlers help with baking cookies, it is important to have one's priorities straight. For example: the object is not to produce cookies, but to keep the toddlers occupied for half an hour. Mess is not so much a minor inconvienience, as an inevitability, and will require at least as much time to clean up as the entire baking process did in the first place, so you'd better just factor that in. Dough is not a commodity which must be preserved in order to place it on baking trays - it is a malleable toy. A tasty, malleable, toy. If there is any left to make actual cookies out of, then consider yourself lucky. In fact, if any cookies are produced during this procedure at all, you are to count them as a bonus. If they are actually edible, then you have won the baking-with-toddlers lottery.

Keep all this in mind when you enjoy a warm cookie, fresh from the oven, and you will not be taken aback when the chocolate chip you've just sunk your teeth into turns out to be a black peppercorn instead.

---

BTW - Jase is one month old today! Yay!

Wed, Mar 24, 2004 (3:05pm)

My husband loves me.

I know this, because he said I could go hot-tubbing at my Mom's last Sunday after dinner (I'd let him sleep in 'til noon on Saturday, so he was feeling very loving. It's amazing what a good sleep does for your mood). Unfortunately, he'd forgotten there was a Tempest LARP Sunday evening, so instead of him staying home to watch the kids while I soaked and relaxed, I got to watch the kids while he went gaming.

But that's okay. He made up for it by saying I could have Monday evening child-free. He'd make barbeque'd steak for dinner, and watch the kids, and I could spend the evening gaming with friends. Alas, it was not to be. I got a call from him at 4pm, saying he'd completely forgotten that Monday evening was a concert he'd arranged to catch with Myrna, Atwood, and the gang. So instead I got to stay home a second night watching the kids by myself (and making supper, tho Jeff barbequed the steak for me), and he got to go out with friends and enjoy himself.

I don't begrudge him that. Really. Okay... I might have grumbled a bit under my breath, but I understand that he needs time away from the kids too. And lack of sleep can make you forgetful about prior commitments and the like.

So on Tuesday, which is traditionally Shades' night out, I didn't demand he make up for his earlier absences. He got to go out and do Kung-Fu, and I stayed home a third night running, watching the kids by myself. I even made him a delicious supper for him to come home to. And I invited Lazarus over so Shades could talk Rocket Flight with him in the evening. And we played Catan, too. (Mmmmm, Catan.)

So how do I know that my husband loves me?

He bought me Seafarers of Catan, today. And the 5-6 player expansion for Seafarers, too.

Thanks, Shades.


Tues, Mar 23, 2004 (4:45pm)

I feel like a water-logged jellyfish.

I went swimming today, and managed 10 lengths. That's more than triple what I did last week - but I did it with a lot of breaks in between. Mmmm.... whirl pool. Bubbing hot water = good.

I wonder how long it will take before my arms and legs no longer resemble Jell-O.
Tues, Mar 23, 2004 (11:45am)

Ouch. 3 days away from the 'Net. It's amazing I'm still sane.

Saturday I didn't get a chance to play online - I watched teh kids in the morning, hit IKEA in the afternoon, and let Wally seal my DSL connection in the evening while I played Catan. Sunday, my 'Net connection wasn't working - not sure why. Monday, the entire house network was non-functional... I think that had something to do with the IKEA furniture I assembled Sunday evening, which was placed in Connor's room directly in front of the DSL modem, and may have knocked the Cat-5 out of the wall connection. I tried to fix it, but even after the house network came back online, my computer still wasn't.

So, I got Shades to look into it. He managed to make it go. Yay! Something was wrong with my network cable and/or the cnnection to the wall, he thinks. Whatever.... it works again!

Now I have dozens of email messages to go through. This may take a while.

Fri, Mar 19, 2004 (11:10am)

If stamina was a horse, someone shot mine out from under me.

I went swimming last night. With, like, real water, and a pool, and everything. Wow - I haven't done that since before the kids were born. Back then, I could swim laps. I could even do the mile-swim at one point in my life. I was content to get into the water and not come out for a couple of hours.

Now....

I swam one length, and could feel the strain. I turned around and started swimming back, and got about halfway before I realized it was a bad idea. If there had been a bouy, or float board, or something half-way along, I would have stopped and hung onto it for a while. As it was, I pushed myself and finished the length, and somehow managed to summon the strength to drag myself out of the pool at the other end. Ug. I was completely winded.

I'm very glad there was a nice hot whirlpool to relax in after that.

Obviously, my body needs more regular workouts. I think I'm gonna try make this swimming thing a more regular part of my schedule, and see if that helps to build my stamina back up.

In the meantime, I will do sit-ups, and walks in the river valley, and I will be quietly envious of people who can do 2 hours solid of Kung-fu or Capoeira or TaiJi. Lucky bastards.

Thurs, Mar 18, 2004 (1:05pm)

Hm. Today, I could post about how annoying my chidren are, or I could find something completely irrelevant to post, like propogating some annoying meme.
Hmmmm.
Propogating the Meme it is.

10 Reasons You Wouldn't Want to Live with Me.

  1. I live in Sherwood Park. This in and of itself isn't a problem, but if you don't have a functional car, it really sucks. Really really. And Shades & I are already using both spots in the garage, so your car would have to be parked outside. And in the winter, that really, really, really sucks.
  2. I'm Obsessive-Compulsive. And if dealing with my eccentricities isn't annoying enough in it's own right, I expect the people I live with to maintain the same standards of obsession which I do.
  3. I turn the lights on, and leave them on. Everywhere. Constantly. Even in the daytime.
  4. You can not keep pets if you live with me. I'm allergic to dogs, cats, mice, birds, ferrets, hamsters, rabbits, gerbils, and pretty much every other creature with fur or feathers. Actually, I could handle sharing a house with a reptile. Well, certain reptiles. I'm not allergic to snakes, but with some of them, I'm allergic to their food.
  5. I will bitch that your hobbies/collections take up too much room, while my own collections of fabric, costuming, swords, and other random paraphenalia overflow their shelves and try to take over your living space.
  6. 2 words: Quest Organizer.
  7. When I find your CDs or DVDs in the player and I want to watch/listen to something else, I will remove your disk and either leave it lying unprotected on a scratchable surface, or put it into the nearest available case whether or not its the correct case, and regardless of whether there's already a disk in it. Disks have gone missing for years in our house, due to this irritating habit of mine.
  8. Kalen.
  9. Connor.
  10. Jasen.

Yeah.

Tues, Mar 16, 2004 (6:50pm)

Heh. Having said I might be posting less often, I now find myself posting every day again. Don't worry - I'm sure it won't last.

My happy thought of the day is: I got postcards from China! YAY! Thanks, Anna, for the 'bridges' and for your personal observations on life in China. Kalen liked her postcard, too, and wants to say Thank You herself:

THANKYOU ANNA
POST CARD

HUGS

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

KKALEN

I'm sure Shades liked his postcard too, but he was dashing out to Kung-Fu practice, so he didn't mention anything about it to me.

Speaking of Kung-Fu, though: Shades is teaching Kale to sing, "Everybody loves... Kung Fu Fighting!" She's really quite cute when she does it. Especially the 'Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, doot doot doo' part.

(Sigh)... I wish I had some martial arts practice in my life. I can't really arrange it right now, however, with the kids to take care of. Plus, I don't think my body is quite up to the energy demands of the more active martial arts. I still occasionally find myself getting tunnelvision when I climb the stairs too fast. Feeding a baby does not do good things for my hydration levels, or orthostatic hypotension.

Since I'm not up to martial arts, I'm planning to do some other physical activity. Swimming, I think. Pool hours for free-swim are pretty flexible. I even bught myself a new swimsuit today. (Yay for having the sort of post-pregnant body which I'd be willing to show off in a swimsuit, less than a month after giving birth).

Accomplishment of the Day: Finished George R.R. Martin's Storm of Swords in the wee hours of the morning. Gah - now I have to wait for the next book to come out. Well.. it's not so bad, I s'pose. He's likely to finish his series long before Robert Jordan finishes Wheel of Time.

Mon, Mar 15, 2004 (1:00pm)

Oh my - I can't believe I just did that. My children are black and blue.

Well, more like black and purple. With angry red marks in places. And Connor has a big yellow-green mark above his right eye which looks like a fading bruise.

No, I did not just beat my children: I let them play with finger paints.

Their hands were smeared in goo. Their feet were coated in thin layers of color so they could make footprints on paper. The paper, alas, is now all mangled and squished and glued together with slime. Various hand-prints, fingerprints, toe-prints, and a variety of other paint smears (one of which might be a forehead print, judging by Connor's face) decorate scraps here and there. In some cases, I manged to save the "artwork" before the children worked further art upon it, but most of it is just a mess. A fun mess, though, wrought by giggling children and punctuated with shrieks of delight. And, - oh my - my kitchen floor has a trail of technicolor footprints leading through it. I'd better go track down the perpetrator.

Good thing it's all washable.
Mon, Mar 15, 2004 (10:40am)

This Just In!

The Government just called me (Yes - The Govermenment! They called me!) regarding my E.I. claim for Maternity benefits. They wanted to let me know why it had been taking so long to process my claim, and to assure me that it was being dealt with, and that I'd be getting my benefits paid out soon... probably starting within the next couple of days. Yay!

Oh, joy - I'll have an income again!
Mon, Mar 15, 2004 (10:20am)

Beware! Beware the Ides of March!

Sorry - just had to say that.

Had a good weekend. Mom cooked up a delicious Sunday dinner (as is her wont) and we had excellent company for the evening, too. After dinner, we played Settlers of Catan. My Mom usually plays with us on Sunday evenings, and this was no exception. What was different about yesterday's Catan game, is that Mom WON.

Congrats, Mom! It was a good win, and excellent playing. You deserved it. You did not deserve Shades' comment after the game, but it was worth it to see your expression. I wish you many more wins in the future.

Also best wishes to Anne, today, as she celebrates "D-Day". I hope you and Janet enjoy a less stressful existence because of it, and that it works out well for Leon, too.

Sat, Mar 13, 2004 (11:15pm)

Kay - I'm sure you've noticed a distinct decline in my postings-per-week since the parasite came out to play. I've given up daily postings, and am shooting for every other day, instead. Even at that, I'm not doing so well. Mostly it's 'cuz there's not much to post. I doubt people are interested in my daily monotony ("Got up earlier than I cared to. Took care of kids. Fed the baby. Took care of kids some more. Went (drumroll, please!) Grocery shopping! Yay! Then came home and took care of kids some more. And fed the baby again. Grumble about this-or-that which kids have done. Comment on how I dislike being a stay-at-home Mom. Bitch about not getting enough sleep. More feeding of baby. Accomplishment of the Day: 10 sit-ups. Oh, joy.") and even if people wanted to read it, I have no interest in posting the mundane travelogues of a bored housewife. So, I'm just gonna cope with the fact that my weblog entries shall be less frequent.

Today, however, I have something amusing to post. Not something which I wrote, but something my Mom mailed me. I really think my Mom ought to keep a weblog: She's got enough adventure in her life to make lesser mortals quail in fear, and she handles it with grace and a sense of humor. Plus, she knows how to write.

So, here goes:

Subject: Some Days are Crazier than Others.

Some days are crazier than others. Today scored an all-time high in the "What-Else-Could-Happen-At-The-Depot" category.

On Thursdays I manage a depot in the north-east of the city, which distributes food to families in need. Clients phone to request food hampers on Wednesday afternoon, I send in an order to the Main Depot, a truck delivers food on Thursday morning, we pack hampers and clients pick them up on Thursday afternoon.

A record 45 hampers were requested for today. Two of my regular volunteers couldn't come in, so the other two volunteers and I had to do all the packing. We barely had all the food off the truck when the first client walked in. I told her she was more than three hours early. She said she couldn't come later. "O.K.," I said, "if you'll wait a while I'll gather up all your stuff right away."ĘTen minutes later I brought out her food and set it on the table.

"This can is dented!" said the client.

"That happens sometimes," I shrugged.

"So is this one, and this one! Why are you giving me this garbage? I should report you to the Board of Health!"

"That's what we get from the Main Depot, because that's what they get from grocery stores, and there's nothing wrong with dented cans,"I explained.

"Over half of these cans are dented! Last time you gave me dented cans, too! Are you treating me this way because I came early? The Main Depot is going to hear about this! You should be sued!"

I told the client I didn't have any more time to waste on her. She gathered up the offensive cans and stomped off, leaving behind the bread, doughnuts, cereal, noodle bowls, yogurt, sour cream, chocolate candies and fresh produce. Makes you wonder how badly she needed that food....

A woman and her son showed up early, secretly removed all the toilet paper and hand soap from the washrooms, and then thanked us very nicely for the hamper. We discovered the pilfering just after they left....

During the busiest part of the afternoon, as clients were lining up to get their hampers, the elevator got stuck just below the basement floor level and the door wouldn't open. Inside the tiny elevator (designed for a wheelchair) were a large woman, a larger woman, and a woman of considerable size. It took the janitor about 15 minutes to open the door and let them out. (Meanwhile, I had to help some other mobility-impaired clients carry their hampers up the stairs.) Of course, after the ladies got out of the elevator it operated normally again....

We had trouble doing the paperwork for a new client because he only spoke in monosyllables and couldn't explain how many people lived in his household. Finally we figured out that he was just a new addition (the new boyfriend?) in the household of a single mom who has been our client for years. A lot of paperwork wasted....

When it was almost closing time I had to deal with a distraught client on the phone. She was sobbing because her daughter had shown up late and now she couldn't make it to our depot on time. I told her the building would be open later in the evening and her hamper would be accessible. After she hung up, my helpers pointed out that this client also had a history of removing toilet paper and soap from washrooms. We had a good laugh imagining her chagrin when she discovers someone else beat her to it this time....

I sure hope next week Thursday will be less eventful!

I hope so too, Mom. But if you ever need someplace to vent again, feel free to mail me all the gory details. I hope you don't mind if I post it for others to cringe at as well.

Accomplishment(s) of the Day: An hour-long walk along the river valley (trudging through slushy snow. Mmmmm, I like Spring!), 2 loads of baby laundry, 3 hours of work sewing a Gambeson, and 10 sit-ups. Yay.

Wed, Mar 10, 2004 (11:45pm)

Today, I ate:

  • A croissant with jam
  • Half a grapefruit
  • A bran muffin with raisins
  • A mug of Chai and a mug of plain Tea (both with milk and sugar, of course)
  • Three slices of French toast, slathered in butter and maple syrup, with a sprinkling of icing sugar on top
  • Another bran muffin with raisins
  • A glass of orange juice
  • Six mini-bagels with pizza toppings (tomato sauce, meat crumbles, and cheese)
  • A glass of milk
  • Two slices of buttered Nan bread
  • A large serving of Saffron Rice
  • Two servings of Saihi Butter Chicken (a new Asian Village specialty)
  • Five deep fried battered spinach thingies
  • Two more mugs of Chai
  • Three Gulab Jamuns (in syrup) for dessert.

I am not yet full. In fact, I'm now drinking a tall glass of iced tea, and contemplating eating the other half of the grapefruit which is in the fridge.

BTW - I weigh 129 pounds now. I am very pleased with this. Not in a "Hey! Look at me loose all those pounds I gained during pregnancy!" kind of way. Rather, a "Wow, I'm not loosing weight hand-over-fist this time" way. I guess it goes counter the the usual image of the diet-frenzied female, but I know it's better for me to loose weight slowly after the pregnancy rather than to plummet back to my pre-pregnant weight as fast as I can. In fact, after my first baby was born, I lost so much weight that I was bordering on malnourished - and I wasn't even trying to shed pounds. It just happened. With my second, I watched my weight closer and increased my caloric intake, and was able to avoid the malnourished feeling I got with the first, but I still lost weight faster than was good for me. This time around, I'm going to try to stay above 120 pounds as long as I'm breastfeeding.

After all, each breast must weight a couple of pounds in its own right.

Gah.

Mon, Mar 8, 2004 (10:45am)

I've been under some pressure, lately. Primarily: pressure against my bra. (Yes, those are real. Far too real.) The worst of the engorgement is over, but I still end up straining my D-cup bra if the baby goes more than 4 hours between feedings.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

I want my flat chest back again.

Sat, Mar 6, 2004 (10:45pm)

Life's been good.

Went to BP's on Thursday evening (and brought along the ecto-parasite to show off to people) with Shades, while my Mom watched the toddlers. It was nice to get out together for an evening. Although, byt 'together' I mean we were both out at the same time. I don't think we did anything 'together' at the restaurant... not even sit at the same table. Shades talked Rocket Flight with people. I talked... um.. I can't remember what, but it was talking with adults, so it was good. We passed off baby-duty between the two of us (and anyone who wanted to carry the baby around for a little while) and then we came home. I was physically exhausted by the time we left, but also mentally recharged.

Friday evening we had the usual Gamer crowd over. Some of the crowd migrated downstairs to discuss a new RPG starting up. 3 of us were left upstairs and played Catan. Myrna won that game by virtue of her 'goodwill policy'... and the fact that she's distractingly gorgeous in black velvet, so it was tough to keep one's mind on the game. Then I watched the rest of the BubbleGum Crisis 2040 series which I've been slowly working my way through. It was enjoyable, though I'm not entirely sure I liked the ending. Then again, that could have been because I was watching the last bits at 1:30am, and feeling quite tired. But I didn't crash like I had on Thursday - I was able to stay up 'til 2am without getting the shakes or going into hormonal spikes and dips. Stupid hormones, anyways.

(BTW - Wally, Davyd left the last disk of the series here so you could borrow it/watch it. But if you're going to do so, do it soon, because the rest ofthe series has already been loaned out to the next person on his list of would-be viewers.)

Today was also pleasant... Shades let me sleep in waaaaay late. Then I dealt with the kids for a while, so he could get some computer time in, and shower, and go for a nap... and then I gave the kids baths and put them down for their naps, and then I went out for a walk in the river valley with my Mom and her dogs. That was good excercise. My legs feel like part of my own body again, and not like the mobile supports beneath a pregnant belly. Mmmm. Oh, and in the evening, we went to the in-laws for a delicious dinner of roast beef, and mashed potatoes, and asparagus, and yorkshire pudding, and lots of gravy, and other good food. I ate well.

This evening, I think I'll try to get to bed on time.

Btw, this was cute (regarding an acronym tag on Thursday's post) so I thought I'd toss it up here for others to see:

-----
Starlin' has this Public comment:
Comments : If the pills are government work, I want no part of them.
-----

Ah.... yes. She is well acquainted with the ways of the government, and its exacting standards.

Accomplishment of the Day: THREE whole sit-ups! My abs are almost back to centerline!!!

Thurs, Mar 4, 2004 (2:30pm)



Behold! I have taken the Magickal Kung-Fu Pill* with Bonus Mandarin! Fear my butt-kicking wrath!

(* as described in Anna's Blog, Monday, Feb 16, 2004.)

Tues, Mar 2, 2004 (10:10pm)

(Look! A post which isn't about pregnancy, and is only tangentially kid-related!)

So, I went to Costco today, 'cuz there were a few things I wanted to pick up and I also wanted to get some film developed there, too. So I packed up the kids and headed out.

A little while later, I was returning to the car, laden with purchases made both at Costco and the nearby pet store, pushing hard on a Costco grocery cart, trying to steer it across the bumpy parking lot while avoiding the worst of the ruts in the packed snow. It was hard going, but I could use the excercise. And then a van which had been driving along beside me stopped in the middle of the road, so someone could load their Costco groceries into it.

Kinda rude, because the rest ofthe traffic in the parking lot had only one narrow lane in which to go past this moron, and the vehicles directly beside the van couldn't back out of their stalls 'til it moved, but sometimes people do that. What annoyed me, however, was that I had to make the choice of pushing my heavy cart across several ruts and out into that narrow lane to get around this moron.. and that would block traffic on that side for a while, as I struggled to traverse the worst of the packed snow, straining my still-sore muscles Or... I could try to pass the van on the near side, where there appeared to be enough room to slip a cart between the van and the backs of the parked cars. It was in a more direct line with my current path, and those vehicles couldn't back out of their stalls 'til Mister Moron moved, anways. So I made for the narrow gap.

It was a little narrower than I thought.

I was able to just squeek through, though, staying about 2 inches away from the bumpers of parked cars (including a large SUV which stuck out a little farther than I liked), and 2 inches away from Mr. Moron's van. This worked pretty well, until I reached the front of the van, and had to navigate around Mr. Moron's side-mirror. I took it very carefully, but the ruts were pretty bad, and I had to push hard to move the cart along them. And I tapped the mirror.

A gentle tap, mind you. And, as luck would have it, the blanket I'd tossed over Jasen's baby-carrier was hanging out of that side of the cart, and it was that item which actually made contact with the mirror, softening the contact between the mirror and my cart. But still, I was a little annoyed. Well, if I backed up and took another go at it, just an inch closer to the SUV's bumper, I should be able to clear it.

Then this lady came out from behind the van.

"WHAT do you think you're DOING??"

"I'm sorry," I replied, in my best apologetic-dealing-with-morons voice. "I was just trying to get past. It's a little tricky with the ruts in the - "

"You Fucking scratched my car! What kind of idiot are you!?!?"

I'm sure my eyes narrowed at this point, and I was prepared to come back with, "I don't know what kind I am, but tell me what kind of idiot stops their van in the middle of a busy parking lot to load their groceries, forcing women with small children - not to mention dozens of other trucks and cars - to awkwardly make their way around?!?" ... but then I realized the woman was not pointing at the van. She was pointing at the bumper of the SUV.

The rubberized bumper. Which I hadn't touched.

I looked. I furrowed my brow. "Ah... I hadn't realized I'd touched your car. I don't see any damage..."

"Are you BLIND?!?" she shrieks. "Look at that scratch mark all along the length of my bumper! Do you have any idea how much these things cost to replace?!?!"

I say... nothing.

Looking carefully over the length of her bumper I could see it was covered with mud, dust, and a fine caking of the usual Alberta road-scudge. Nowhere is this coating marred by a line of cleanliness which would indicate anything had made contact with it. Besides, I'd been watching very carefully that I didn't hit anything. This lady is clearly delusional. Besides, her view had to have been blocked by Mr. Moron's van. If I couldn't see her, how could she have seen me?

That aside, I still had a neurotic mad-woman to deal with. I couldn't easily continue forward, because in order to avoid the Moron's mirror, I would have to come perilously close to Mad-woman's precious bumper. I could probably do it, but if the snow slipped beneath the wheels of the cart and I even brushed gently against the hard rubber of her bumper with the rounded plastic bits of the cart, I'm sure she would have given birth to a cow. And I'd had enough of birth.

"Why don't I just back out of here then, hm?" I asked, calmly.

She put her hands on her hips, made a face like she was sucking on a lemon dipped in cod liveroil, and watched me like a hawk as I very carefully pulled my cart backwards along the same ruts I'd come in along. At no point did I touch her vehicle. I'm sure if I had, the entire parking lot would have known about it, just minutes before her insurance company.

So, having backed out, I still had to find a way to get around Mr. Moron, who showed no indication of moving anytime soon. But I realized, just then, that I could turn my cart 90 degrees and go up beside the SUV, around the front of it (where there were no cars parked, giving Mad-woman an excellent way to leave her parking spot without having to wait for the Moron to move) and back down along the far side, circumnavigating both her car, and Mr. Moron's van with its protruding mirror.

So, I did.

This, alas, meant that Ms. Don't-Touch-My-Bumper had to wait while I pushed my cart past the front of her precious SUV. I gave plenty of room to her front bumper... but that meant some hard pushing, through the snow piled between the parking rows. I got stuck a couple times and had to take another run at things, but I did eventually get past.... just as someone else pulled into that parking spot, blocking off her convenient escape route.

I'm surprised her car interior didn't fog over, the lady was fuming so violently as I made my way past the side of the SUV.

Soon, I was happily pushing my car towards my own van, and watching irritated traffic (both oncoming and away-going) taking turns passing on the far side of Mr. Moron.

I loaded up my kids, groceries, fish, and miscellaneous acquisitions into my van, and made my way home, thinking to myself "Man, must've been the wrong time of month for that woman.".

'Tis a silly thing when the post-partum Mom, with unbalanced post-pregnancy hormonal cocktail in her veins, has to think such thoughts.

Last updated goodness-only-knows-when. These are archives, after all.